The age of V12-engined fat-cat cars is coming to an end
The future is meant to be a foreign country, and as we all know, we can’t visit those any more. Still, if you look at the car industry, it shouldn’t be too hard to envision what that future looks, and sounds, like.
Personally. I’m still trying to digest the news that the UK, a country with a conservative government, notionally like ours, led by a malignant lunatic narcissist, just like America used to have, has pledged to slam the brakes on the internal-combustion engine by banning the sale of any new cars featuring these common propulsion devices by 2030.
What this means, no matter how much Australian or other authorities prefer to pretend it’s not happening, that the days of big, thumping engines that make loud noises and fantastic power and torque figures by burning umpteen gallons of fuel are as limited as an octopi’s lifespan.
There will come a time, in your lifetime and mine, where we will run out of car makers who still build cars that burn diesel and petrol, and then, no matter how hard our governments are currently trying to discourage people from buying EVs, they’ll just bloody well have to.
I can see this, and as anyone I know will tell you, I’m no genius. But the weird thing about my job is that I’m often allowed to glimpse, or even go for a test drive in, the future – six years ago I was driven through Tokyo in autonomous vehicle, and told that we’d all be enjoying that tech by 2020 – and yet other times I’m asked to accept that things will never change.
That happened last week, when I was given a new Rolls-Royce Ghost to pilot around (and I mean “pilot” in the senes of the guy who has to park giant cruise ships, just before they disgorge their plague-ridden scourge of fat people) Sydney.
While it might seem to make a lot of sense for Rolls-Royce to switch to EV power – they’re all about torque and silent-running after all – the company has told me before that they won’t do so until inductive charging really takes off, because they don’t believe their customers will put up with the enormous hassle of plugging in to recharge their batteries.
So, like an ostrich with its head buried so far in the sand it can taste beef in black bean, the company has produced a car with a twin-turbo V12 engine that belongs in the history books, not on the road.
Rolls claims the Ghost has a fuel figure of 14 litres per 100km, but I claim that I have a six pack and a 14-inch penis. Only some of these things are true.
I’m not saying that it’s irresponsible for any car company to produce a V12 engine when the ice caps are melting and I’m sweltering through what will be just the first of many 40-plus-degree days in Sydney this summer. No, actually that is what I’’m saying.
The Ghost doesn’t just spit in the face of Greta Thunberg, it sets a polar bear on fire and throws it at her.
It’s not just Rolls, of course. Ferrari CEO Louis Camilleri was asked recently when the Prancing Horse’s range would be 50 percent electric vehicles, and he scoffed at the very idea: “Certainly not in my lifetime” was his witty rejoinder.
The fact is, fat cats buy these cars, and fat cats are old, and fat, and apparently care stuff-all about their children and even less about their grand children. So they will continue to burn fuel like it’s going out of fashion, and buy not just one V12-engined dinosaur, but several.
If you’re really quiet, you can hear Lamborghini preparing to roll out yet another V12 replacement for the already ferociously irresponsible Aventador.
Yes, I do feel like I’m shouting into the wind here, and I know that my opinion, as a non-Rolls-Royce customer, matters little but driving the Ghost really did make me wonder what is wrong with the human race. Our ability to carry on blithely in the face of science, as if the sun isn’t going to come up tomorrow with even more heat in it than today is truly staggering.
To be fair, I am also a staggeringly large hypocrite, because I loved the Ghost deeply and found it hugely entertaining. But at least I won’t buy one.
